Posts by David Benjamin
The yellow dogs of asymmetric war
The yellow dogs of asymmetric war by David Benjamin “I think most people in this country realize that Donald Trump comes from… New York City… a slam-bang, difficult world. It is amazing he is as good as he is. If anything, you have to give him plaudits for the way he has run the country.”…
Read MoreThe garlic thief
The garlic thief by David Benjamin MADISON, Wis. — I confess. The other night, I robbed the supermarket. Here’s what happened. Hotlips was making pesto from the rampant basil plant that had swallowed our balcony and was threatening to re-enact The Day of the Triffids in the parlor. The missing ingredient in Hotlips’ recipe was…
Read MoreGlaucoma of the mind
Glaucoma of the mind by David Benjamin “Hell isn’t other people. Hell is yourself.” ― Ludwig Wittgenstein PARIS — As a college freshman, I had the odd experience of not being seen all morning, three days a week, by my teachers. Ms. Slavens, my Spanish professor, moved nimbly around campus with a white cane and…
Read More“ICE the Wall!” “Abolish the build!”
“ICE the Wall!” “Abolish the build!” by David Benjamin “War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.” ― George Orwell, 1984 PARIS — I’ve never put much stock in slogans. Which is not to say I don’t enjoy them. It’s just that the best slogans ever conceived have nowhere to go. The thrill you…
Read MoreFirst came the Romans
First came the Romans by David Benjamin “I like Chinese,/ They only come up to your knees./ Yet they’re wise, and they’re witty, and they’re ready to please…” — Monty Python PARIS — First, after the war, it was the Americans. Flush and cocky, they invaded, brandishing their “Europe on Five Dollars a Day” manuals,…
Read MoreSteve, Remy, Mohammed… and Louis Vuitton
Steve, Remy, Mohammed… and Louis Vuitton by David Benjamin “In a country that views ‘the seduction of women’ as an important aspect of its national identity, it is easy to understand why hijabi women can attract criticism. In France, men who ‘seduce’ are adored and admired as ‘Don Juans.’ In such a context, one can…
Read MorePorn Star Tryst Sends President Packing
Porn Star Tryst Sends President Packing by David Benjamin PARIS — It’s been oft speculated that any one of Donald Trump’s myriad outrages. committed by any other American political figure, would leave that person so profoundly disgraced that he would live out the rest of his shattered existence as a social pariah and global laughingstock.…
Read MoreWorld Cup Blues
World Cup Blues by David Benjamin “Of course it went to penalties. It always goes to penalties.” — Andrew Das, New York Times MADISON, Wis. — We all agree that FIFA is La Cosa Nostra of fun and games, the most corrupt sports organization ever conceived. At the moment, FIFA’s big show, the World Cup,…
Read MoreFront Porch Week in America
Front Porch Week in America by David Benjamin MADISON, Wis. — The history of Rockford College — which stubbornly persists in treating me as an alumnus despite my departure after only three semesters — has no record of a campus group, in the late 1960s, called the Chapultepec Social Club (CSC). Although the school’s administrators at…
Read MoreHomeland Security comes to Maple Street
Homeland Security comes to Maple Street by David Benjamin “And when you prosecute the parents for coming in illegally, which should happen, you have to take the children away.” — Donald Trump “When you cross… illegally, when you commit a crime, you are taken away from your family because that’s how this country works.” — Corey…
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