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The Weekly Screed
Knock yourself out, Mom by David Benjamin “Each team will have six to nine players on the field, instead of 11; the field will be far smaller; kickoffs and punts will be eliminated; and players will start each play in a crouching position instead of in a three-point stance.” — New York Times, 31 Jan.…
Read More...Imaginary icebergs by David Benjamin “A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.” — Joseph Stalin MADISON, Wis. — There’s little evidence — even in the alt-right online sixth dimension — that ravening hordes of “illegal aliens” are swarming across the Rio Grande and killing Americans. The firmest numbers I could…
Read More...… or the Highway by David Benjamin “He didn’t like it. That song stuck and he couldn’t get it off his shoe. He always thought that song was self-serving and self-indulgent.” — Tina Sinatra, on her father’s opinion of “My Way” MADISON, Wis. — I was impressed, perhaps awestruck, by Rachel Maddow’s restraint on Inauguration…
Read More...What Obama and Trump Really Said by David Benjamin (As a service to mankind, Harvey Brusbussen, editor-in-chief of the international hacking organization, IncontinentWiki, has released, exclusively to this reporter, the full transcript of the post-election meeting in the Oval Office between President Barack Obama and President-Elect Donald Trump. Here it is.) Trump: “So, how’d I…
Read More...The geeks who live on the hill by David Benjamin “Let’s make sure none of our kids have to drive.” — Jen Hsun Huang, CEO, Nvidia LAS VEGAS — In the real world, nobody talks about self-driven cars. We have other stuff on our minds. If we talk about cars at all, it’s usually something…
Read More...A philosophic interlude at Le Fumoir by David Benjamin “Homer tells us also that Sisyphus had put Death in chains.” — Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus PARIS — Something about this joint gets me to over-thinking. Maybe it’s the art on the walls. My favorite is a painting of two gauzy and anorexic art-deco…
Read More...It’s happening here by David Benjamin PARIS — While visiting from Brussels, my 14-year-old godson, Benjamin, grew exasperated with the alarmism at the dinner table. He said, “All grownups do now is sit around, eating, drinking and talking about Trump.” Hey, music to Donald Trump’s ears. And Benjamin is right. No political figure in my…
Read More...“Believe (in) me!” by David Benjamin He said, “Picture this: the Oval Office. A dozen news cameras are rolling. The new president ushers in an eight-year-old girl named, let’s say, Jenny. He sets her up on his desk. He proceeds to strip her down and molest her sickeningly for ten minutes. Within an hour, a…
Read More...He’s ba-a-a-ack! by David Benjamin MADISON, Wis. — Sirens screaming, lights throbbing, Car 54 jumped the curb, dodged several trees, skidded violently and spun in a circle before lurching to a sudden stop in a snowbank just shy of the playground. By several inches, it missed flattening a little boy in a purple snowsuit. Officer…
Read More...Papa’s thumbnail by David Benjamin MADISON, Wis. — My grandfather’s hands fascinated me. Papa, as we called him, put in fifty years at the Milwaukee Road frog shops in Tomah. He was a machinist, repairing switches and the huge steel “frogs” that intersected rail lines. When he arrived home after his eight hours, I would…
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