Satire
“The usual deal for hard-up rich guys”
by David Benjamin “Life is little more than a loan shark: It exacts a very high rate of interest for the few pleasures it concedes.” —Luigi Pirandello (An ill-lit table in the dark corner of a bar in Hell’s Kitchen. A man, hatless and nattily attired in a custom tailored blue suit with…
Read MoreSatire revisited
A return to the topic of satire, this time to offer a few tips to the aspiring satirist and a little homage to two of the discipline’s most extraordinary practitioners. by David Benjamin PARIS— In my last essay here, I discussed the challenge and the spirit of writing satire. Since then, I’ve pondered the……
Read MoreSatire: Bathtubs and edible babies
One regrets writing satire because usually its topic passes too swiftly from currency. One does not regret well-crafted satire, however, because it offends the high and mighty, or confuses the literal thinker, or launches a hurricane of blowback. by David Benjamin PARIS— Whenever I complete one of my satirical pieces, I fight a pang……
Read MoreHermaphrodites in hypothesis
by David Benjamin “The very essence of romance is uncertainty.” — Oscar Wilde MADISON, Wis.—A lexicographer walks into a bar. More accurately, it’s a gay club. Glenn, the lexicographer, is uneasy—indeed, deeply troubled— not because he’s uncomfortable among the “men” milling, drinking, laughing, talking, flirting and attempting to dance what looks to him…
Read MoreVing Rhames saves democracy
by David Benjamin “… I believe God has ordained and allowed each one of us to be brought here for this specific moment…” — Rep. Mike Johnson, after election as Speaker of the House HOLLYWOOD — “I’ve got it! I’ve got it, I’ve GOT it!” Louie “The Lip” Lipset, assistant to one of…
Read MoreWelcome to the Middle Ages
by David Benjamin “I don’t want to abolish government. I simply want to reduce it to the size where I can drag it into the bathroom and drown it in the bathtub.” ―Grover Norquist It all started when the earth-moving equipment arrived and commenced ripping up the pavement…
Read MoreAn open letter to my high-school best friend
by David Benjamin Dear Dick: At long last, I’m writing to apologize for mooching my way, uninvited and unwashed, into your life and the bosom of your family. If you recall, it all started one summer day in 1964, when I mounted my bicycle and pedaled the three miles from a cramped, cluttered and…
Read MoreThe legal peregrinations of “Scrooge McDuck”
by David Benjamin “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” — Albert Einstein MADISON, Wis.—So, there’s this guy. Let’s call him Individual One. He’s rich, okay? But he really hates to pay his bills, He’d rather just sit in a big room on a…
Read MoreBienfang goes to college
by David Benjamin “Meritocratic systems, with objective grading scales, are critical to that belief [that “blacks can achieve in every avenue of American life without the meddling of university administrators”]. Such scales have always been a great equalizer—offering a metric for achievement that bigotry could not alter.” —Justice Clarence Thomas MADISON, Wis.—When I dropped…
Read MoreThe little boy who wanted all the suckers
by David Benjamin “If you’re playing a poker game and you look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.” —Paul Newman FORT PIERCE, Fla. (November, 2023)—When the trial of ex-president Donald Trump took a strange twist here last month, eventually triggering a lengthy delay in the proceedings, one commentator…
Read More